Brenda's Summerlicious Feedback

Brenda also gave me permission to post her response to my Summerlicious blog post. Didn't I tell you that I have fantastic friends!

Hey Tish,
Just a thought:
No one can accomplish the high degree of control that you think you are lacking. None of us could stay vigilant 24-7. There is a myth in our culture that 'willpower' is a quality that some of us have and others don't. Failure of your 'willpower' does not reflect a personal failing, but is inevitable. At some point even the most vigilant will succumb to temptation. This is why setting up your environment is so important.

You are doing well--you have set up your friends to help--and some of them actually do this. The next step is to continue to spend time (especially when eating) with those friends who help and to avoid eating with friends who don't. Controlling your environment is much more important (and more reliable) than counting on your willpower.

The problem is, if you find it distressing--you will actually AVOID eating out with your friends who support you (and may actually start to gravitate to those who sabotage your efforts). Bad idea. Your next task is to acknowledge your distress and to put more supports in your environment. For example, here is what I have noticed (from your blog and our weekend):

1. Go out with people who will let you carry a conversation. Use your hands. Think of eating out as a time to talk more than a time to eat.

2. Don't go to "all you can eat" places, buffets, or places with too large portions (this will be hard on Chris!).

3. Wine bars and tapas places are ideal for you. The focus is on small bits and sharing rather than on a large plate of food that people dive into. This way, you don't have to compare what you are NOT eating on your plate to theirs. With a common plate(s) there nothing to compare to!

4. Physically remove the plate and move it out of reach at the first sign of 'doneness'.

5. Have people ruin your leftovers.

6. Start to have a policy where you MUST leave something from each selection on your plate (to counteract the 'clean plate' idea).

7. Don't eat with really hungry people, if you can help it. They will be too focused on the food and not on the company.

Mary's Summerlicious Feedback

Mary, bless her heart, gave me permission to post her response to my last blog post. By the way, I have fantastic friends!

Hey Tish,
You know, you're kind of hard on yourself. One of the things I really value about your blog is how honest you are. That's not easy. I'm a little surprised that you are still reeling about your response to the leftover elimination at Summerlicious. From what I observed, you did the right thing.

1. You asked someone "safe" for help with an uncomfortable situation where you were conscious that your behavior was self-destructive. Not the easiest thing to do, but you did. Take a moment now to pat yourself on the back and give yourself a hug! Good for you!

2. Even though at the time you were inwardly screaming in dismay at my action, you maintained fair outward serenity (with only a bit of white showing around your eyes)...cool as a cucumber, babe!

3. You are cognizant of what's going on with your reactions. You know what you want to change. You're taking action to make change by trusting others to support your needs. Kudos!

4. You will eventually get to the stage where you can accept that you will likely still have knee-jerk reactions to food issues. You're already on the right track. Inwardly nod at the reaction and move on, happily giving yourself a gold star for self awareness!

This honesty, trust, and willingness to keep trying is inspirational to me.