I had such a great time attending Summerlicious this year. I wasn't able to eat a lot, but I had the chance to try some really interesting restaurants at exceptional prices. However,the topic of today's entry, though it happened during Summerlicious, is not about Summerlicious at all. It's about my reaction to something my friend, Mary, did.
So here we are, at The Citizen. Mary, in the red t-shirt, Mya, in the white blouse and myself. We had a great time! The food was good and the conversation even better.
As the meal progressed and I became full, I pushed my bowl of pasta away from me. However, I really liked my meal and I began to pick at my food. I could feel my stomach become tight and uncomfortable and knew that I needed to stop eating, but could not bring myself to do so. Finally, in desperation, I pushed my bowl to the middle of the table, towards Mary and told her I was full and that she could finish my meal if she wished.
To my abject horror, Mary dumped another bowl of unfinished food on top of my pasta and pushed the dishes towards the end of the table for the waiter to pick up! Though I couldn't eat another bite, I could not believe my emotion response to Mary's destruction of my food. If she or Mya had eaten the pasta, I would have been less appalled! A day later I was still in shock at the event and decided to discuss it with Mary.
I told her about what was going on in my pointy, little head and conveyed my dismay and turmoil. To my surprise, I discovered that her actions had been prompted by the latest entry in my blog that discusses my need, at times, to ask others to "destroy" my leftovers. Well, Mary, being the friend that she is, went ahead and did exactly what needed to be done but I could not bring myself to do. In retrospect, I would have been more comfortable bringing the food home as leftovers and leaving it to rot in the fridge, before I threw it out! But, this experience has brought some really interesting (if not unpleasent) emotions to bare.
I am disturbed about the event for a few reasons
1) That I was not able to push my food away when I knew I was finished
2) That I had such a unwanted emotional response to Mary's actions
3) That there are still lingering waves of that emotional response that I haven't/won't or can't deal with as of yet
So, here I am. Stuck in a place that I am not comfortable being in and feeling a tad out of control, relying on others for strength and trying desperately to develop coping skills that I can act on.
Wish me luck!
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