My friends and family know what I have been through and understand that I have a tiny pouch that is filled by 3/4 cup of food. They have a clear understanding that it is a huge waste of money for me to buy a full meal for myself. So we joke around and laugh when I eat of of other people's plates. (I mean, I don't eat off their plates. I have my own plate and everybody gives me a taste of their food.) And even though that behaviour in itself is somewhat uncomfortable, I recognize that I am with people who really love me and the behaviour becomes more acceptable.
However, the real problem for me is not when I am eating, but when I am full, which is about 5 minutes after the food arrives. What am I suppose to do with all of that time, while other people are "mmmmmming" and "yummmming" their way through dinner? The mouth hunger I feel is overwhelming and, I must confess, I have asked friends to ruin my leftovers so that I would not pick at them. I become uncomfortable, anxious, and feel out of place during the meal and often end up apologizing for my lack of stomach space.
This past weekend my good friend Brenda, came to visit me. We have been friends for 30 years!
Over dinner at the Red Violin (a place you have got to go to if you carnivore at heart), I tried to explain to her the traumatic emotions I was feeling. Casually, she said that I should use my hands more. "What?", you may ask. Well as we sussed it out, we concluded that I should talk more and, since I am Italian, I would then be using my hands more to talk. If I am talking, while others are eating, I am still participating in the social aspect of the meal and, at the same time, distracting myself from the fact that I can't eat. What a brilliant idea! So friends and family, be prepared. I am going to be, goddess help us, talking more during dinner! Don't kill me!
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