Hard Wired to Eat

I may have discussed this before, but it has become such an issue for me as of late, that I am blogging about it again.    Over the last few months I have stared to put weight back on.  This is to be expected.  All gastric by-pass patients begin to increase their weight after the first 1 1/2 years.  It has to due with the fact that the pouch has stretched out. thus accommodating more food, combined with the fact that most people begin to feel sensations of hunger again.  In my case, it has to do with the fact that I have also developed a "grazing" style of eating.  Basically I eat really small portions and I eat all day long.  The end result of this behaviour it that I am consuming way to many calories.

I began to do some research into the proper amounts of food intake.  My research reminded me, yet again, of how ridiculous the Canadian Food Guide is.  It asks people to consume way to much food in a day.  My research also lead me to understand the importance of creating muscle when exercising.  So, with this information in hand, I have tried to reduce the number of times I graze in my fridge and  increase the number to times I go to the gym with my modified routine which now incorporates weight training.  "So what is the problem?" you may ask.

The problem is that, in spite of the gastric by-pass, my increased knowledge and my desire to maintain my weight loss, I just can't stop eating!  I am not saying that I am binge eating again, rather I am just eating really small amounts of food every couple of hours and the accumulation of all that food results in my overeating!  I am so frustrated!  

I recognize that my  brain is not set up for our 20 century constant access to food.  (I would thrive as a Neanderthal!) I understand that I am hard wired to eat.  But even armed with this knowledge, I just can't seem to control my food intake.  I cannot believe how angry, frustrated and scared I am right now. I idea of gaining my weight back is terrifying.

So, yet another day goes by, where I resolve to do better, acknowledge each small success and try not to beat myself up with each failure.

Darth Tish's Temper Tantrum

"But I don't want to" said Darth Tish, as she lay on the floor kicking, screaming, and red faced.

"What do you mean?" Tish asked.

"I mean, I don't wanna go and you can't make me!"

"Make you do what?" Tish inquired.

"Make me go to the gym!" Darth Tish said with such an emphatic pout that her bottom lip almost hit the floor.

"Well, I'm not making you go." Tish stated.

"But I should go," said Darth Tish.

"Should you?"

"Yup, I should. But I don't want to," Darth Tish said as she twisted her hair into a knot.

"Why should you go?" Tish asked.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because!" said Darth Tish stomping her foot.

"Because is not an answer," Tish said, "It is a question that requires an answer."

"Because it's good for me" Darth Tish admitted sullenly.

"Oh" Tish said, nodding her head in agreement.

"But I don't want to go"

"You look really mad. I mean, you certainly look like you are having a wonderful, full blown temper tantrum about this." Tish said.

"Well, I do do wonderful temper tantrums. You should see the ones I have about eating junk food." Darth Tish said with twisted half smile.

"Yes," said Tish, "but that still does not address why you don't want to go to the gym."

"Ya, well, I don't want to go because I don't want to go. Like, why should I have to make myself do something else? Haven't I already made myself do so much?" whined Darth Tish.

"Sure," Tish agreed, "you have done a lot. Waiting for surgery, surgery itself, all that vomiting, two dilation procedures and don't forget all that weight loss."

"Ya," said Darth Tish emphatically, "it has been a lot. And why should I have to do more? Why isn't there, like, a magic pill that I can take that makes all my muscles strong and kick-starts my weight loss again?"

"Well, science has not progressed that far," Tish explained. "But I'm sure that one day there will be such a pill. But in the mean time what are you going to do about this?"

"Well," Darth Tish drawled, "I guess I should go to the gym. But I am just having such a hard time getting there and I don't know why. I mean, I do have some fun. And I do like the way I feel after a work-out. And I do want to look better and feel stronger."

"Sometimes you don't have to understand why you behave in a certain way. What is really important is that you just change the behaviour," Tish said. "Does that help?"

"Ya, I know." Darth Tish agreed. "But it don't really change this motivation problem."

"No it doesn't."

"I guess I just have to do it, don't I?" Darth Tish said, as she frantically looked for an easy way out.

"Yup," Tish approved.

"Okay, I'll try again to get my butt to the gym today."

"Okay. I'll check in with you again tomorrow," Tish said.

"Alright," said Darth Tish, sulking, as she packed her swimsuit in her duffel bag. "We will have this conversation again tomorrow."