I have become very frustrated with the way my pouch is responding to food. Let me see if I can clarify that.
Some days, eating my many small meals, is easy. My ability to measure out portions sizes is great, I don't experience panic attacks about not having enough food, the food goes down well, and I don't experience any pain. Today was not one of those days.
I woke up early in hopes of getting a jump on the day and toddled on downstairs for breakfast. For the past 4 days breakfast has been 2 oz of a broccoli and cheese frittata that I had made. Today was no different. I ate my 2 oz of frittata slowly and chewed it well. Then about 1/2 hour later, I started to drink my water and that is when the problem began. Once the water hit the pouch, I experienced terrible pain across my entire diaphragm and upper chest. I became queasy, really hot and weak. These are all symptoms that I had overfilled my pouch, but I had not done anything that I hadn't done for the past 3 days. The nausea got so bad that I actually believed that I was going to vomit and was wanting the relief that vomiting can bring. I didn't, but the pain across my diaphragm lasted for about another 1/2 hour.
Once the nausea subsided, I still had to drink my water. And, though I didn't feel nauseous, every sip hurt like hell.
Skipping to lunch, I decided to have a 1/2 cup of pureed soup. Soups have always gone down really easy and I have never experienced pain when eating pureed soup. Not today. There were no feelings of nausea, but as the soup moved into my pouch; my chest felt like it was being squeezed tighter and tighter. My diaphragm began to tense up and I developed the hiccups. (Have I said hiccups hurt?) The pain was so bad; it was actually difficult to breath.
"Alright", I said to myself, "let's shake this off with a walk". And really, I did want to go for a walk, but I guess that I was weak from not eating enough food and as the walk progressed my legs began to burn and my left knee (which has arthritis) began to ache. By the time I got home, my whole body felt like it had been hit by a bus and I was overheated to boot.
I drew a bath, sprinkled in some Epsom Salts and soaked for about an hour, cooling off and re-hydrating myself.
As you can guess, it was then time for dinner. Well the good news is that it went down well. I think my diaphragm and chest muscles relaxed in the tub. After dinner, I took a short nap, and I am actually, just now, beginning to feel like myself.
I am just really frustrated with the way my pouch sometimes responds to food. Eating has always been a pleasurable experience for me and now, it just seems like work. I mean, I know that that is part of what the surgery was suppose to do; shift the random desires of eating to eating only when needed. But this is ridiculous. I have begun to feel like it would be easier just not to eat at all and that in itself is just as dangerous as overeating. The scary part is that I know that I could do it. I mean, I never get hungry so why do I have to eat?
I know, I know. This is dangerous thinking. And I know that I will most likely not follow this line of thinking, but the point is - I am thinking it. This leads me to wondering about the underpinnings of what is happening. How can my thinking switch so easily from overeating and binging to not wanting to eat at all? Is it a result of the surgery and the few painful experiences I have had? Or is it that not eating is the flip side of overeating? Are my thoughts of not eating the same as an anorexic who denies themselves food?
I'm not sure what is going on in my head right now. I guess that this too, is part of the adventure. When I know, I will tell you.
Some days, eating my many small meals, is easy. My ability to measure out portions sizes is great, I don't experience panic attacks about not having enough food, the food goes down well, and I don't experience any pain. Today was not one of those days.
I woke up early in hopes of getting a jump on the day and toddled on downstairs for breakfast. For the past 4 days breakfast has been 2 oz of a broccoli and cheese frittata that I had made. Today was no different. I ate my 2 oz of frittata slowly and chewed it well. Then about 1/2 hour later, I started to drink my water and that is when the problem began. Once the water hit the pouch, I experienced terrible pain across my entire diaphragm and upper chest. I became queasy, really hot and weak. These are all symptoms that I had overfilled my pouch, but I had not done anything that I hadn't done for the past 3 days. The nausea got so bad that I actually believed that I was going to vomit and was wanting the relief that vomiting can bring. I didn't, but the pain across my diaphragm lasted for about another 1/2 hour.
Once the nausea subsided, I still had to drink my water. And, though I didn't feel nauseous, every sip hurt like hell.
Skipping to lunch, I decided to have a 1/2 cup of pureed soup. Soups have always gone down really easy and I have never experienced pain when eating pureed soup. Not today. There were no feelings of nausea, but as the soup moved into my pouch; my chest felt like it was being squeezed tighter and tighter. My diaphragm began to tense up and I developed the hiccups. (Have I said hiccups hurt?) The pain was so bad; it was actually difficult to breath.
"Alright", I said to myself, "let's shake this off with a walk". And really, I did want to go for a walk, but I guess that I was weak from not eating enough food and as the walk progressed my legs began to burn and my left knee (which has arthritis) began to ache. By the time I got home, my whole body felt like it had been hit by a bus and I was overheated to boot.
I drew a bath, sprinkled in some Epsom Salts and soaked for about an hour, cooling off and re-hydrating myself.
As you can guess, it was then time for dinner. Well the good news is that it went down well. I think my diaphragm and chest muscles relaxed in the tub. After dinner, I took a short nap, and I am actually, just now, beginning to feel like myself.
I am just really frustrated with the way my pouch sometimes responds to food. Eating has always been a pleasurable experience for me and now, it just seems like work. I mean, I know that that is part of what the surgery was suppose to do; shift the random desires of eating to eating only when needed. But this is ridiculous. I have begun to feel like it would be easier just not to eat at all and that in itself is just as dangerous as overeating. The scary part is that I know that I could do it. I mean, I never get hungry so why do I have to eat?
I know, I know. This is dangerous thinking. And I know that I will most likely not follow this line of thinking, but the point is - I am thinking it. This leads me to wondering about the underpinnings of what is happening. How can my thinking switch so easily from overeating and binging to not wanting to eat at all? Is it a result of the surgery and the few painful experiences I have had? Or is it that not eating is the flip side of overeating? Are my thoughts of not eating the same as an anorexic who denies themselves food?
I'm not sure what is going on in my head right now. I guess that this too, is part of the adventure. When I know, I will tell you.
